The Art of Making Friends as an Adult: Navigating the Social Landscape

Master the art of making friends as an adult. Uncover tips on shared interests, navigating social settings, and celebrating friend-iversaries

Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

Introduction

Welcome to the grown-up playground, where making friends can sometimes feel like an elusive art form. If you've ever found yourself wondering about the complexities of adult friendships, you're not alone – it’s actually more common than people think. Fear not! In this honest exploration, we'll unravel the mysteries of forging connections in the supposedly sophisticated world of adulthood. 

Part 1: The Myth of Instant Connections

As children, making friends seemed as easy as sharing a toy in the sandbox. But, in the adult realm, the process can be a bit more nuanced. The myth of instant connections and BFFs at first sight often gives way to the reality of busy schedules, diverse interests, and the occasional awkward icebreaker. True friendships, like fine wine, often take time to mature. Friendships, much like relationships, need to be intentional and effortful. Don’t get me wrong, if you’ve been friends for 7 years and you feel like no time has passed at all between your one call a month, we get it, it’s solid. This is more about cultivating connections with new friends over time! 

Part 2: Embracing Shared Interests

One of the magical connectors of adult friendship is shared interest. Whether it's a passion for pottery, a love of book clubs (or wine), or an obsession with obscure board games, common interests form the foundation of adult connections. So, break out your brushes or literary cape and explore activities where your passions can intersect with those of potential pals.

Part 3: Navigating Social Settings

Adulthood brings with it a variety of social settings—work gatherings, community events, and perhaps the occasional networking soirée. The key is to approach these gatherings with an open heart and a touch of curiosity. It can be extremely intimidating to be in a new setting with new faces, but if you take a page out of our book (club) in part 2, and you are in a space that allows you to interact or engage with a topic/activity you love, this takes half the effort away. There is already an established interest so don't be afraid to initiate conversations, and remember, everyone else is likely navigating the same insecurities of social interaction.

Part 4: The Art of Small Talk

Ah, small talk (my favourite, said no one ever!) – a delicate dance that can either be a graceful waltz or two left-footed cha-cha. Mastering the art of small talk involves finding the right rhythm, asking open-ended questions, and listening with genuine interest. From the weather to weekend plans, these seemingly mundane topics can be the gateway to deeper connections. You never know what one topic might prompt! 

Part 5: The Friend Date Dilemma

As adults, gone are the days of arranged playdates or group activities for us. Instead, we face the friend date dilemma - ones that we either have to initiate or take the leap and say ‘yes’ to. Fear not the coffee catch-up or dinner for two though; view them as opportunities for one-on-one conversations that give you both the space and the time to navigate common ground. Remember, friendship, much like romance, often begins with the gentle flutter of a shared latte or a candlelit dinner.

Part 6: The Power of Vulnerability

In the grand tapestry of friendship, vulnerability is the golden thread that weaves the strongest bonds. Opening up about your passions, fears, and dreams creates a space for others to do the same. It's okay to reveal the quirks and idiosyncrasies that make you uniquely you; it's in these authentic moments that true connections flourish. And in all honesty, if it doesn’t, that wasn’t your tribe! 

Part 7: The Friend Group Ensemble

While one-on-one connections are vital, the symphony of adult friendships often includes a friend group ensemble. Whether it's a casual brunch club or a monthly game night, these gatherings create a supportive community where individual friendships can harmonise, adding layers and depth to the social orchestra. Yes, that was indeed a beautifully crafted music pun. Why? Well each person brings something different to the table, like an instrument in a band. Having a group of adult friends not only provides support, but opens up the diversity of interests, lenses to view the world, and levels of effort so it doesn’t always fall on one person.  

Part 8: Cultivating Long-Distance Bonds

In the era of job relocations and digital connectivity, cultivating long-distance friendships has become an essential skill. Remember that 2020 app, Houseparty? COVID-19 taught us that it is easily doable to keep in touch through screens! Embrace the wonders of technology, from virtual game nights to video calls. Distance need not be a barrier to the growth and nurturing of meaningful adult friendships. 

Part 9: The Ebb and Flow of Friendship

Friendships experience ebbs and flows. Life's twists and turns can lead to periods of intense connection and moments of comfortable distance. Understanding and embracing the natural rhythm of friendship, as well as the natural rhythms of 21st century lives in general, can protect these bonds against doubtful thoughts or unrealistic expectations. Not everyone is 100%, 100% of the time. It’s also important to realise that there are different kinds of friendships. Some that you build close bonds with are those that are built around particular interests or hobbies. So figure out where you stand and embrace it for what it is! 

Part 10: Celebrating Friend-iversaries

In the whirlwind that is life and adulthood, marking the passage of time is something that is usually only done via Facebook. Yet, celebrating friend-iversaries is a fun way to express gratitude for the shared moments, inside jokes, and unwavering support that have enriched your life. A quote I read earlier this year (which I’ve just discovered was from the series Ginny and Georgia) sums this up perfectly: “Life won’t throw you parties, you gotta make your own.” Celebrate the good parts and start your own traditions! 

Conclusion

In the grand gallery of adulthood, the art of making friends is a lot of trial and error. But at least if you stay true to yourself and who you are, it gets easier to find people who share the same interests as you. So put yourself out there and see what unfolds. I’m rooting for you!